There is no easy way to say this. Still, if you’re feeling miserable ALL the time about yourself because of something that your significant other, said or did, or you’ve repeatedly experienced unpleasant occurrences thanks to them, then you’re most definitely in a toxic relationship. Worst still, a toxic relationship makes you feel that everything unpleasant that happens is your fault.
By its very nature, relationships are supposed to enrich us, help us grow and feel better. Partners are like mirrors that help us look at ourselves in a clear light, tell us when and where we’re pretty and help us look better when we’re not. Not the other way around.
If you find that the signs are no longer screaming at you from the wall but rather from inside your own head and you’re frantically doing everything you can not to listen, look and know, then you know its time to WALK OUT.
Walking out of a toxic relationship can be one of the most daunting tasks, especially if you believe you are all alone. You are never alone. You need to find the right person to trust or the right place to look for what you need to do. Support is always an outreach away.
Here’s what can help you plan your exit process seamlessly.
Step 1: Be brutally honest with yourself.
Ask yourself why you choose to stay in a situation, which leaves you feeling worse than when you were not in it. It is better to be alone than to feel guilt, terror, shame and isolation by the very person you were looking to build a bond with. Wherever you feel most deficient, whether you’re aware of it or not, that’s the one place you’ve only been actually feeling worse. You were always stronger before and outside the relationship than you are now. Acknowledge that.
Step 2: Find the Achilles Heel.
Most toxic relationships have their hook in a person, based on where that person feels they need to stay in the relationship. Women will believe it’s their financial dependency on the man, or for the kids, or even worse social stigma. No child wants to grow up seeing one parent’s toxic traits obliterating the very life force of the other. No amount of money is going to be price enough for your self-worth. If you don’t acknowledge that, then now is the time stop reading this article any further. Social stigma is society’s way to control you. Reverse that by being extremely aware of their own shame, and if need be, bring it very subtly to the attention of those who seek to manipulate you by intimidating you into submission of what they decide is or isn’t good.
Step 3: Reconnect with the older, healthier parts of you.
Before we were in a toxic relationship, there were parts of our life that were non-relationship related, that gave us sheer joy. In all probability, you’ve given those up. In all probability, it was because the toxic partner expressed that you should do so, directly or indirectly. Immediately start something along those lines, even if it’s as innocuous as gardening, or an online course to learn a new language, or to give tuitions to kids, or helping someone old with basic stuff. Find a way to find another (or many more) focal points that are neutral and joy-giving. Revel in these.
Step 4. Slowly, quietly build a base outside the relationship.
One that you can rely upon for the whole new, healthier chapter of your life. There is no shame in being alone. Be it an emotional base, a financial one, or even a physical base of living arrangements. It’s important to do this very gradually, and not let the toxic partner get to know. Start planning quietly and well in advance, of the day you are going to leave. In the meantime, do nothing to let the other person sense that you are planning this. In fact, let them continue to believe that they still have absolute dominion over you.
Step 5: Leave. Simply, silently and suddenly.
Never look back. Never let them reconnect with you and tell you how sorry they are, that they’ll do anything to take you back, and that they will change. They won’t. They will beg, plead, threaten, maybe even be verbally, emotionally physically violent. Just know, that as much is their violence and desire to strike at you, that much is their level of absolute terror and shock at losing you. They were always counting on you to be the deflection and punching bag for their own shame and brutality, which they will now have to face alone. Be aware of this, and deal with it stoically.
If you can do this, there is no reason why you don’t have a gradual path ahead to healing every bit of your heart that deserves it.
How To Heal From A Toxic Relationship
We are sure you know what it feels like to be in a toxic relationship. The friendships, love affairs, partnerships, relationships, whatever you want to call them, start with butterflies and a rush of excitement and then….. fizzle out with you feeling broken and worthless. We know the relationship is falling apart, but we continue to ignore warning signs because we are afraid of being alone. It happens. We understand how difficult it is to cope. Here are some tips on how to heal from toxic relationships.
Sit Down And Feel Your Emotions
You should always try to accept your emotions because if you don’t accept them, you can never heal. That’s why it’s okay to feel different sometimes. Express your emotions. Be honest. Rushing to hide them could make things worse. So, sit down and feel your emotions, try to understand them. Feel everything – even if it hurts.
Take A Social Media Detox
Don’t send that text! We understand the urge to check up on them and how it is irresistible, but don’t, it is only going to hurt your emotions. Taking a break from social media is probably the best thing you can do. So take some time off and clean it up!
Take Care Of Yourself
You need to take care of yourself, because if you don’t, who will? Taking care of yourself is the other aspect of healing. We want to help remind you to take good care of yourself, especially in these times as it can have a devastating effect on your health. You are the most valuable tool in your toolkit, so don’t neglect yourself. Getting the right nutrients and good sleep is very important for good health.
Meet Your Favourite People
Being around loved ones not only makes you feel good, but it also makes you heal quicker. Spending time with your favourite people helps you feel so much better. If you have time, plan a dinner or a weekend getaway. These moments will help you to improve your mental health and ultimately your physical health as well. So why not take the time to spend with people whom you love, even if it’s only for an hour?
Do Things You Love
We all have activities we love doing. These are the activities that get us through life. Pick up on the activities you left and they will improve your mood and mental health. Whether it is reading, swimming, or spending time with your family. You can also start a new hobby or the class you have been dying to try!
Try To Journal
Journaling is one of the best ways to let out your thoughts and feelings. You can write or draw whatever that is going on in your head. Journaling can help release stress; it is one of the most popular ways. When writing about something that has caused you to be stressed, many things will just “flow” out of your mind onto the paper. The old-fashioned way of writing through pen and paper can be a therapeutic outlet for pent-up emotions.
Seeing a therapist is nothing to be apologetic about. It is great that you have the insight to know something might be wrong and want to get help. Don’t let your feelings of insecurity or fear dictate your decisions any longer. Therapy is a great way to feel better and solve existing problems that keep popping up over and over again. It is a safe space that helps you talk through your problems in an honest way. Therapy can help you change your life for good.
Trust The Process
It can be tough to endure and progress through these phases, and we know that. But the most important thing you should remember is to trust the process and have patience – things will get better with time. Take it one day at a time. You are doing great!